


There is Always Some Madness in Love

by legendarytobes



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Pre series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendarytobes/pseuds/legendarytobes
Summary: Michael has mostly attended to his Silver City duties even with Father on His walkabout for the last twenty-six years. Well, the other archangels run things, but as the Great Judge, the smallest details tend to fall to Michael. So when Azrael confesses to him that she's made a huge mistake, he finds himself trying to help one Ella Lopez, a woman convinced she's been seeing ghosts when it's always just been part of Azrael's lies. That's fine with Michael. As long as he can leverage helping Ella against finding his daughter again. He just has to keep one step ahead of Uriel and Gabriel to do it...
Relationships: Ella Lopez/Michael
Comments: 18
Kudos: 51





	1. Bargainning

**Author's Note:**

> Needed somehow with my mood something sad and angstier than even my usual. Fair warning on that.

**There is Always Some Madness in Love**

Michael gaped at his sister. 

He must have heard her wrong. He had to have fucking heard her wrong. There was no way Azrael was telling him this. There were rules, Dad damn it. The biggest of them was not killing humans. The second, as his twin Samael had pushed against eons ago, was questioning Father. But the third was letting humanity and divinity mix. And here he was in between sessions judging souls in the Silver City with his little sister telling him that she'd been friends with a human for the better part of eighteen years. And that the human had talked too much about her, and now was in a mental hospital.

She had to be kidding him. If Father found out---when he was back of course---He'd be livid. He might just kick Rae Rae from heaven altogether. But in the interim if Gabriel or Uriel found out, well, that would do Azrael no favors either.

''Explain it to me again, Azrael. I must be confused.''

She sighed and started wringing her hands before him. ''Look, Mi, you make it sound worse than it is.''

He pushed a hand through his hair, unruly as it always was, and sighed. ''Azrael, let's try this again. Tell me you didn't refuse to take a human for the first time ever in your life, in all of Creation for that matter, and that now because you kept stopping in to see her---to befriend her---that she's in the mental hospital. You cannot be telling me that.''

Rae Rae's face fell. ''I didn't know what else to do. Ella's parents had enough of all of this and they tried an exorcism first but that didn't work so they had her committed two weeks ago. I can't...by myself I don't think I can get her out because with my job, I can't just take off long enough to help her until her life is back on track.''

''Do you think I can?''

His baby sister sighed again and looked down at the floor. Never a good sign. Azrael lied as much as he did, but she wasn't any good at it. Loss of eye contact was a sure sign she was trying to embellish things. ''There isn't anything to fight and hasn't been since you kicked Lu to Hell.''

''Dad ordered it; I did it. Don't bring up bad blood now when you need a favor.''

''But,'' she continued. ''there isn't much need either for judging. You're the Great Judge, not the only one. If you're gone on Earth for business, the Host can still do its thing, you know? There's like a dozen other angels on the case, unlike me and the all psychopomp thing. And great planning, am I right, Dad?''

He flinched at her words and, suddenly, his side ached more than its usual dull pain. Michael slid into his seat and tried to ignore the way his sister flinched and eyed him with pity. ''I see.''

''Um, you do?''

He sighed and rubbed at his bad arm with his left hand. ''Yes, I do see it. I am back room duties and signing off on what our brothers and sisters decide on cases. I can disappear for months or years even because everyone tries so hard not to see me.''

''I don't. I'm just not here very often, Mi.''

He frowned at her, and even for all her faults and half truths, he could feel the earnest tone in her words. ''I know, Rae Rae, but the implication is still that I'm not needed here.''

She shrugged. ''You're the one who spent most of the 1990s on Earth when you got bored, you know? I just figured you know the place pretty well, you won't squeal to any of the other kill joys.''

''So that's what the younger angels call us?''

''Well mostly Gabriel, Uriel and Amenadiel. Everyone likes Raph.''

'''Naturally. And what do they call me?'' he asked, although he knew already the answer.

Azrael sighed and finally looked him in the eyes. ''Does it matter what they call you, Mi?''

''It does to me, and please, fill me in.''

She shoved her hands in the center pocket of her sweatshirt. ''The Ghost.''

''Is that all?''

''Most of them do because you're kind of barely around when you're here and you're scary. I don't think you are that bad, but I spend a lot of time in Hell and with dead humans so I'm not the best judge.''

''And with Death because you don't even have the sense to stay away from the Endless.''

His sister narrowed her eyes. ''Don't mistake me being younger for being a pushover.''

Michael nodded. ''Well, 'the ghost' isn't as bad as I assumed.''

''See, great!''

She gave in too easily on that, and Michael stopped rubbing his bad side and eyed her more closely. ''There's something else that fills all the Silver City gossip, isn't there?''

''Well, okay, maybe you're also...it's just Gabe and Uriel and, well, Remi but she makes fun of everyone.''

''And what do they say, Azrael?'' He knew from the list she'd just rattled off that they'd be cruel with their names, but he wanted to know where he stood. Michael had suspected as much for eons. It was why he'd taken his walkabout on Earth anyway. Something he'd failed at and been forced to leave by Amenadiel and Gabriel in utter ignominity. '' I know our siblings hate me, both for what I control and for how badly I lost the fight with Samael. I mean, it took centuries, but I learned you can win a battle but still lose the war. And I lost badly.''

He stood then and spread his wings wide for her. The right one didn't raise as high as the other, hadn't since the fall. Its great bald clumps where feathers should be was an eyesore, and it ached. Dear Father, it ached every minute of every day and twice as much at night. 

''Gabe and Uri can be dumb.''

''I agree, but what do they say, Sis?''

''I'd never say it,'' Azrael replied. ''I just...'' she looked back down at her shoes. ''Remi likes to say the 'Gargoyle' a lot, and Gabe is an asshole so he says 'Quasimodo.' I...Uriel's just pretentious and says 'Richard the III' but I don't really get that one.''

''Well, Uri is cleverer than most,'' he said, tone short. ''A few weeks or months away from our dear family while I fix your mess would be relaxing.'' He pulled his wings in tightly, swallowing hard when it took longer than he wanted for his right wing---fucking thing---to obey. ''But I don't understand what you think I can do for her, and I don't know how you...one day when He comes back, Dad will be furious, Rae Rae. You can't keep souls off the list. You never have before.''

''She was different. I don't know how to explain it. Ella was scared and crying and bloody, but she was nice to me. She was in one of the worst car accidents I'd ever seen and she was still worried I was sad.'' His sister smiled. ''She thought I was a passenger and I'd been hurt. I've like never met a nicer soul in my life. She didn't deserve to go yet. And it was so calming, being near her so...I stopped back in. And I kept doing it. I didn't know what to say so I said ghost and her parents...it's a mess, and I can't fix it alone.''

''I think sending me of all angels to someone in a mental hospital is the worst idea you could have, Azrael. I'm not good with anyone. Not at all.'' He shook his head. ''What on Earth makes you think I can comfort a girl? I can't even get near some of the fiercest warriors in heaven without making them anxious.''

Rae Rae removed her glasses and cleaned them on the hem of her fish shirt. ''Ella's almost twenty-six, so she's an adult for a human, just lives still with her parents. So she's a woman, duh. Also, the Endless know all the gossip.''

Michael's breath caught in his throat for a minute before he could answer. She couldn't have heard. She just couldn't have. ''I... you think you know what?''

''That you know a lot about how to deal with humans. I know about Elaine, okay? I know that you couldn't stay with her after you lost---''

Michael's eyes glowed gold with his wrath. How dare she talk about this with him. How dare Death or Delirium or any of them squeal on him. It was bad enough that Gabriel had found out and forced him home with Uriel, had made it so he could never see his child again. But now his baby sister had the audacity to use it as leverage. ''You forget who you're teasing out info with, Sis. That's not your business. Except for the few archangels who forced me away, it's not for anyone to ever know.''

''But you understand humans. And you were good with Elaine for a while. She's a nephilim but if you can be a dad to a half-human for like eight years, then you can deal with a human panicking or freaking out, you know?''

Michael's chest ached. It hurt even to hear her name out loud because he wasn't allowed...even if Dad was off somewhere else, doing who knew what in the multiverse, the apparent consensus in the Silver City was that consorting with humans was beneath them. As Amenadiel had often said, ''humanity and divinity don't mix,'' and that decision by his brothers had cost him his daughter. A daughter who would be a teenager by now. Who had to be furious with him and hate him for disappearing after how much she'd alread lost. And Azrael was trying to leverage his experience with humans and female humans in general to fix her mistakes.

He wasn't the one who'd messed up this time.

''Don't pretend to understand me or what I've been through, Little Sister.''

''Well, you don't know what it's like carrying dead humans home all day, every day. Ella's this ray of sunshine in the middle of it. And there's nothing wrong with her, not really. I just messed her whole life up. Okay? Please, Mi, if you help me and keep it secret, I'll do anything you ask.''

''Anything?''

''I mean it. Pinky swear like I used to do with Lu, and I never back out of those.''

Michael nodded. ''Gabriel can see the shape of the universe and the long term patterns at play even if they can also be altered. Uriel knows all the patterns in the short term which make him almost impossible in battle to stop. It made it easy for them to hide my child from me. But you know demons in Hell by now---''

''Well Maze mostly tolerates me, and no one really likes Squee. He's dumb but I think he has a crush on me.''

''And you know the Endless. Death has more connections and foresight than most of us can imagine. You help me, and I'll help you.''

''Meaning?''

''You find me Elaine, and I'll spring your friend from the looney bin. She'll need someone to help her, to give her a way to be out from under her family and them sending her back. I can provide that. I still have earthly means of my own. It's just that during that time, I'd rather work to find Elaine with your friend than play house in whatever city your human friend is in.''

''Detroit.''

He blanched. ''Really? That place is freaking cold, Azrael.''

''If you find Elaine again, then that'll put you and Ella both----Elaine too, dude---on Gabe and Uri's radar.''

Michael stood and he wished he could have done it in one smooth motion. It would have brought more confidence and a greater bearing to his words:

''I promise you, that if they come for me and separate me from my daughter a second time, I will end them both. But if I don't help your Ella, she'll stay locked up in an asylum for who knows how long, correct?''

Tears welled in Rae Rae's eyes and her wings flecked. ''She will. I can't...I'll do anything, Mi, _please_.''

He nodded. ''Then, I'll go to Detroit right now and spring your human, but you have one week to find me the information I need about my daughter. You get it to me, and Ella and I will track her down. Other wise, in seven days, I'll shove Ella back in the hospital all over again. You got me?''

Tears tracked down Rae Rae's cheeks as she considered his offer. ''And once you have them both? What? You and Ella and Elaine just keep running? I needed time to get Ella sprung and feel like herself again. I just haven't figured out yet how to explain the angel thing or get her started in a new city, but if you do something to really piss off Gabe and Uri...maybe even Amenadiel, then you don't know...it could get you all killed or banished or damned or I don't know what!''

Michael spread his wings wide and forced his feathers to be bladed. So few on his right would still obey that command, but he forced those that could to sharpen anyway. ''Then they come. That's the deal. You help me with my nephilim, and I help you with your human. If our brothers get nosey, well, they forget I was the head of the Legion for a fucking reason.''

''But you're not anymore.''

''When it comes to saving my kid? I can be again.''

''You're hurt and---''

His eyes grew gold again. ''I'm still the Great Judge and half the Demiurge, and I have forgotten more about combat than even Amenadiel ever knew. I can do this, but you have to help me too, Rae Rae. Please.''

She sighed and rubbed her glasses once more before sliding them back on her nose. Why she needed them, he had no idea. On the other hand, even now, he wasn't sure why he couldn't get over his own worries and hate and doubts and make his self-actualization work for him and not against him. He didn't know how to heal. Perhaps being misfits had bonded them together or, perhaps, Azrael just missed Samael, and he was a convenient substitute. It didn't matter now. All that did was he had this chance, the one he'd dreamed about for almost six years to find his child, and he was going to take it.

This Ella would just be a bit of baggage along the way but so be it.

''Alright, but you can't...even if this works kind of...but if Gabe and Uri find you and Ella...they can _never know_ that I didn't take her when I was supposed to. You know them or even Amenadiel or Remiel. They don't understand the greys, you know? Rules are rules, and they'll take her on the spot. I know I messed up, but Ella shouldn't pay for it because I did.''

Michael nodded. ''I'll hide her as well as I hide myself and Elaine, if we find her. Because you know where she'll go, don't you, Sis?''

Azrael sniffled. ''I messed up so badly.''

''Yes, and I can tell you that her time to be judged has long past. She can't go to heaven or hell ever. If Ella is ever found out for the missing soul she is, she'll go straight to purgatory, and she'll never have any rest.''

''I know! Please, just help her, Mi. I know you can.''

He nodded and let his vision go normal, retracted his wings and the threat in his posture. He was too tired to keep it all up any longer anyway. ''I'll do my best, but a bargain is a bargain. You have seven days to find Elaine or Ella goes back in the mental ward. Got that?''

''I promise.''

He didn't need a pinky swear or anything so infantile to know it was the truth. With the fear radiating off his sister in waves, so very much of it for this Ella Lopez's sake, well, he knew she'd do her very best to find Elaine. If she didn't, well one human back in the hospital was no sweat off his back. 

''Good. Smart choice,'' he said, spreading his wings once more and groaning as he flapped them hard and flitted between the planes. He had a human to save, and, hopefully soon, a daughter to find. 


	2. Easier Said Than Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael meets Ella and tries to convince her to come with him.

**Easier Said Than Done**

Michael wasn't sure what he thought a mental hospital would look like. He'd been to regular ones, but only sparingly and never for himself or for Elaine. He never got sick or hurt, and Elaine had been so resilient from the beginning anyway. But he'd visited a few and seen their set up. This was not a building of a few stories of brick or a sprawling campus. No, the building before him was octagonal in shape, had a huge window on its front side and looked like it had been built in the 1960s as some experimental hippie thing.

It wasn't at all what Michael had envisioned.

However, that was what mattered. He just needed to get Ella to go with him, and then he'd have step one toward getting his sister to give him all the information she could glean---and it better be a lot---on his daughter. Michael took a deep breath and used the incantation his sister had given him to go invisible. It was useful for her on her work, but something he'd rarely needed. However, a few simple bits of Enochian and he would be able to sneak amongst the mortals. Only Ella Lopez, his intended target would spy him.

It was a good thing Little Sis had access to the spell because with his bedraggled wings, it was impossible to shunt them away so fast after using them. His wings just didn't respond well without time and patience. As long as he didn't bump into something with the feathered wastes, no human would notice. Well, save for this Ella.

He opened the door and stalked past the desk. His sister had gotten Ella's schedule and a her room number for him. Right now was supposed to be a lull between music therapy, and didn't that sound like a waste, and dinner so she should be in her room. Michael hurried down the hall and gritted his teeth at the assault to his senses. The hospital smelled of bleach, far too much, and even that didn't hide the vague odor of fish from a room or two, and he didn't want to know why that permeated the hallway. Not one bit. The interior was as aged at the exterior and the rooms opened up to squat beds and plastic chairs in ochre and avocado. But the worst, of course, and he doubted Azrael had thought about how this would affect him (or care), but the fear was intense here.

Some of it included intense phobias, some claustrophobia here and the usual fear of clowns there. There was PTSD and it pained him as more than one woman on the floor was reeling with life after being assaulted, and that was...Free Will had upsides, Michael could admit that much, but humans hurt each other so often, that it pained him to feel that desperation and terror in so many on the hall. But then he felt something else, something strong emanating from the room at the far left corner of the hallway.

This was something he hadn't felt in hundreds of years, not since he'd run business on earth a few times for the Inquisition. That, Michael figured, had to be Ella's fears---that terror for her sanity but the conviction still, deep down, that what she had to be seeing was real. And her fear was so strong that he could feel the holy water from the failed exorcism her parents forced her through on his face and smell the incense in the air, even here.

Oh Father, what had her parents shoved her into? And Rae Rae, how could she have made such a colossal mistake?

Michael came to the final room on the left, and a bit of the furtive tension in him eased when he realized there was only one bed in it. There was a small desk bolted to the floor as the other room and its plastic chair was a dull mauve. Curled in it with one knee up to her chest and the other dangling over the chair was a slight woman with a nest of tangled, dull dark hair, an upturned nose, and wide eyes. Currently she was wearing a pair of blue flannel pajama pants, fuzzy socks, and a baggy sweatshirt with he was pretty sure Scooby Doo on the back of it. Her focus was nominally on the comic books in front of her, and Michael had never been into them. His partner had been, but Michael just didn't get the appeal. He knew long convoluted histories thanks to Father and being around since the end of time. He no longer needed more. But even as Ella tried to absorb herself in whatever cartoon adventure she was reading through, her chin would slip off her knee, and her eyes would close.

Idly, Michael wondered how much medication she was on.

He wasn't even sure if that would make his job better or worse.

Michael stopped at the door sill and coughed politely. Obviously, Rae Rae's strategy of imposing her presence on Ella had backfired. He could at least be more subtle. Besides, he had to work around a weakness with his wings. He could slip between planes, but it would be so much simpler if he could get Ella to agree to go with him and sneak her out than try and yank her out against her will.

''I'm looking for Ella Lopez. If you're not her, you won't see me anyway. But are you she?''

The woman startled and gaped at him. Then she started to shake. ''You're not real.''

Michael offered her a patient smile, like when he'd first taught Elaine to ride a bicycle (and, alright, he'd had to figure it out first himself) and tried to explain to her it was okay to be afraid. ''Ella, I very much am,'' he strode inside and started to shut the door behind him when she yelped. ''I'm not here to hurt you.'' Michael stretched out his wings as much as he could in the confines of the hall by her en suite bathroom. ''I'm...well technically I'm an angel of the Lord. Michael Demiurgos, and you have friends in high places.''

He kept the smile plastered on his face as he eased to the foot of her bed and sat down. His wings spread out behind him, well more his left than his defunct right, but he relaxed and smiled more broadly. ''I know Rae Rae.''

Ella jumped from her chair, looked to the door, and chewed her lower lip. Muttering under her breath she darted back to the door to open it. ''Door has to stay open, all night. They check every thirty minutes. They checked nine minutes ago. They'll come in faster if they see it's shut, and you **aren't** here. You're not real, just like Rae Rae isn't real. You're just in my head.''

She crossed the room and came to lean against the barred window in the far corner of the room, as far from him as she could. 

Michael felt it again, that fear and it was so deep and wide, and of herself and not of him. At least, more that he represented her being crazy and not that he, himself, was terrifying. It was a bit odd. Even his siblings, except for Rae Rae, avoided him. Ella was shaking but also muttering to herself. It was in English but low enough that Michael couldn't quite follow.

''Rae Rae is a ghost. She's something I made up when I was a kid. I...she's not real and there's not an angel in my room,'' she hissed, trying to keep her voice low.

Michael quirked his head at her. With her head held high to study him back, he could really get a good look at her. Her skin was pale, the dark circles under her eyes worrisome, and the neck of her sweatshirt hung lower on the right side, showing the prominence of her collar bone. ''You haven't been eating much here, have you?''

''The food here sucks. I found a finger nail in the mashed potatoes three days ago, so no. And I imagined an angel just so he could sound like my abuela and get me to eat.'' She shook her head and her lip wobbled. ''I hadn't seen Rae Rae for two weeks. I thought the medicine was making me better.''

Michael sighed patiently. ''Ella, you're not sick. My sister is an idiot. Those are two different things. Rae Rae is actually Azrael, the Angel of---''

''Death, dude. I both took catechism and also was a novitiate for like a year.'' She barked out a hysterical laugh. ''Didn't exactly stick.''

''Oh, yes, well, that's my sister, and she broke the rules by revealing herself to you at all. She shouldn't have friends because mortals and angels can't mix. I should know.'' And it was impossible to keep the bitterness out of his voice. His brothers had made it quite clear to him that it was never to be allowed. But Azrael, oh she'd done so much worse. ''She never intended for it to go this far or for you to be...you're in a jam here, Ella, and I can get you out.''

''You're not real!'''

Michael stood but didn't move from the bed. He sighed when he saw her eyes widen at his slumped posture and the way his right wing hung mostly slack. Her eyes roamed over his feathers and her eyes grew watery at the sight of the great bald patches there. ''I promise that I am.''

Ella shook her head again. ''No, my meds aren't working but I'm trying so hard. I didn't even complain with the rash on my palms and the patches of skin falling off or anything. I...you have to go now.'' She shut her eyes and put her fists on her temples. ''You're not here.''

Michael took the risk of approaching her and set a hand on her shoulder. ''I feel real, don't I? Rae Rae invented this whole ghost lie. Terrible idea. I lie, sure, but at least I'm good at it and it makes sense. But I'm here, and I'm _that angel_ Michael...well mostly. I'm past my prime to be blunt. Just, can you come with me?''

Ella pulled away from him and backed herself into the nearest corner. Michael took a step closer but she held one hand up and he flinched at the red, raw skin there. What kind of medicine did they even have her on? ''You're not real! I'm getting better!''

Her voice was rising, and Michael looked over his shoulder. No orderlies were coming yet, but he didn't trust them to stay away for long. Obviously, just appealing to Ella wasn't going to work. She wanted to get better so badly, she didn't realize yet that there had never been a problem.

''I can get you out of here, and I will, but I need some time to think this over. I'll be back tomorrow.''

Ella rushed to her bed, scooped up one flat pillow that barely seemed bigger than ones given out at airlines, and threw it at his right side. Michael was still faster than any human and dodged it with ease. Her voice was controlled again, even through the tears in her eyes. ''Leave. I'm going to get better. I stopped seeing Rae Rae, and I'm not going to start seeing you. Ghosts aren't real and angels are but they don't visit people like me, okay?''

Michael sighed and picked the fallen pillow up from the ground. Then, he settled it back on the the desk beside her comic. It was Wonder Woman and oh how this one would have found the multiverse fascinating. ''I am real, Ella, and I'm going to prove it to you. I can get you out either way but I want you to just come with me. It's easier and faster to escape.''

''It's a trick. I'm really, really sick.'' She slumped down on her bed, and the tears were flowing freely now. It made Michael freeze up a bit, as it had whenever he'd seen Elaine cry. Not that Ella, despite her petite size, was a child. Just that any human(ish) woman or girl in trouble did get to him. Damn it. Rae Rae had him pegged, and he was way too obvious. 

''It's not, and if you just trust me---''' He stilled when he heard rapid steps in the hallway. Michael cursed under his breath and ducked at the last moment into the bathroom. It was a rough fit and his wings grazed against the shower bar, but there was nowhere else in the small space to avoid being bumped into and invisibility didn't help with that.

''Ella.'' A tall woman with her hair up in an efficient bun, who reminded Michael a bit of Elaine's first ballet teacher, strode past him and to the bed. ''You've been way too noisy. Are you alright? Do you need to rest instead of go to dinner with the others. We can bring a tray back.''

He couldn't see her from his vantage point but he could listen in. ''No, Mom and Dad are coming after dinner to play cards. I'm fine. I...I had a nightmare.''

''And you're sure you're not seeing things?''

''No Sara, I'm not. Promise.''

''Alright, but maybe after family visit hour, you should skip art therapy and get rest. Is that a good trade? I can talk to Dr. Macintosh about adjusting your meds tomorrow. If you're still having visions, you need to tell us. Same if you're hearing things too.''

Michael's wings flicked behind him, and he was frustrated at all of this, at Ella for not just listening to him, at his sister for making such a dumbass mess with mortals, and most of all for the doctors here for not seeing that Ella was actually perfectly rational, just scared. He could feel it spiking now, and he didn't want to know why he felt leather tightly around his wrist, keeping him restrained. Seriously, what had they done to Ella so far in her stay here? Why had she had to be restrained at all?

Ella's voice was so quiet her barely heard it. ''That's okay. As long as I can see my mom and dad tonight.''

''Yes, of course, now get washed up soon. We have dinner in fifteen minutes.''

Michael waited just long enough for Sara the nurse or attendant or whoever to walk past him. Then he followed her out and made his way through the hallway and out of the hospital. 

Getting Ella out would be more complicated than he thought. He'd need to prove to her he _was_ real, and Michael finally had an idea on how to do that...


End file.
